It’s hard work being this cute,

# 3:00pm: Spent the afternoon going on a walk. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks.  We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Duke, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance — does he think I don’t know about his obsession with Abby, that snotty Cocker Spaniel from down the road? Last month there wasn’t a male in the neighborhood who couldn’t be found outside her fence, and Duke was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

# 4:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Duke drool over Abby — he doesn’t know what he’s missing.

# 1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it’s true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter, I had a hell of a time jumping on stools and such to get up there. The treat was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he’d skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.

# 2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I’m sorry, but he should know that I can’t eat that stuff; it makes my stomach very upset. When he began rolling up a magazine I realized he’d lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.

Today we got a mailman doll. Captain Awesome was just sitting on it, so I beat him up and took it from him.